Why is life hard?

so i reactivated it

2012-03-03T12:01:00.000-08:00

i reactivated my face book if any one needs to get in cantact with me just letting yall know i also uploaded all videoa and pictures off my camera to my lap top finally figured it out xD took me long enough... i also got this pic of me and my boy friend :) i dont get get to see him very offten but i do love him alot and i really wish i could be in his arms right now. I love you Paul Thomas Kinsey :) I have never felt this way about any one and i would probably kill my self if i lost him... i would give any thing to be with him no matter what but hey oh yeah i also started a journal to show when i have certain symptoms of MS and when i have flair ups and stuff and when i go to the doctor i can take notes and stuff so yeah ille be keeping yall more updated :) ive been drawing alot lately just cause i get bored at school :) and ive been thinking about my wedding got some pics of what my brides maids are gunna look like and my maid of honor and decided on a cake but havent done much else . hope every one else is doing good some one needs to talk to me im like really bored. :)

so thinking bout kids...

2012-02-24T08:27:00.000-08:00

ughhh im to scared to have kids why cause i dont want them to get MS i do not want my daughter to go through this shot it is more in women then men. And there is a 50/50 chance my daughter can get it since i have it. Ughhh. :'( but its gunna be awhile before i have kids so i have some time to think on it... thank God. Plus alot of other things like depression and anger problems oh and by the way i deactivated my facebook. Just letting yall know.

Paul Thomas Kinsey

2012-02-24T06:27:00.000-08:00

The love of my life. Yes literally love. I love him so much and i always will we always have the most amazing conversations he just got his new tat and its really cool. I like i told him if he is mean to me im gunna hit it which was true. Cause he got hit in his tat the other day. hmmm what else can i say he has a very intresting personality he is in the army reserves.. He is 19... Lol i seriously just had to ask his age... :) Wow okay so im really just trying to state all the factas about him but i know so much ive known hims so long so yeah well gtg

so life is great except my feet hurt :)

2012-02-22T10:04:00.001-08:00

decided to wear a dress and heels to school today so i blame paul for my feet hurting xD i love you baby and so the other day kourtney just up and its over poor heart so now i get to fix it and so far i am doing a great job and while doing that im fixing my own heart and making my self happyier each day and each second im with him i cant help but think man cant wait to be in your arms for ever baby do you know how much i love you apparentky cause you chose me over reyna 2/15/12 i love you so much baby Paul Thomas Kinsey i love you so much baby and always will i hope you know that... well so yeah i know i dont post very offten im sorry guys ive been kinda busy i got put back on full time school and home bound as needed which is when i miss 20 or more hours out of a week but so far i have been doing great and im enjoying my life every once and awhile i think fuck im getting sick again but honoestly its just my imagination... so yeah sorry ille try to post more offten and keep yall up dated. :)

how do i live?

2012-01-30T10:01:00.001-08:00

its a song im writeing its also my thoughts... yes a write songs.... but its just i wonder how do i live on in agony in so much pain and just how do i live these day being so youg with MS i dont get it why havent i died yet? im just curious someone wanna answer my question? well i guess now. Im a teenage girl wondering this and i just cant remember the last time i was truely happy. :( so yeah just gunna keep living on

So relationships

2012-01-27T06:18:00.000-08:00

The year before i got put in the hospital i was in a really good and close relationship with this guy named Paul well We were really close he knew everything about me my body he knew all the little things that i would do when i didn't want to be touched well he promised me he would stay with me for ever and we started talking about marriage and stuff my mom knew his age and said that he was to old for me and mad me break up with him she also knew that i had also had sex with him yes she knew that... i tell my mom everything out of habit... Any ways Any ways he promised he would wait for me and he didn't so now im trying so hard to get him back but hes engaged to one of my best friends so im just out of luck and my heart was set on him and i don't think my heart will ever move on... After i lost him the first time i got really sick and went in to a coma. Then well now were more like friends we joke around with each other a lot i guess you cant call him my boy friend cause hes engaged so yeah but he tells me every day he loves me and he always has and will... i'm so confused and my heart is so shattered i just don't know what to do any more? I just wish i could have him back its as if i'm never going to have a happy life... I guess i will just always live in hell till i die.

Ehhhh imma make this one funny

2012-01-26T10:22:00.000-08:00

So i went to the doctor yesterday and they said oh theres no new infections or any thing and my older brother was their with me and he was getting a physical and everything u know how they do that coughing thing well he had a chinese doctor and an asian nurse doing it and me and my mom were out in the all and we went back in there and the first thing i said ... " how does that make you feel?" xD any ways they did and ekg on me i had an mexican lady feeling on my tits... that was awkward and i had to breath i swear that lady was checking me out and my older brother and mom came back in the room " how does that make you feel?" xD My older brother had an ear infection and pressure in the other i was perfectly fine so my mom and me were gunna call it stress well last night started crying cause my back was killing so put some heat on it and then 11 i was up in the bathroom throwing up.... 2 hrs later again with the trowing up thought i didnt have a virus or anything stupid bitch so i get to spend the day sitting at home i swear that doctor didnt know what she was doing... but my older brother was doing STDs test and hes nervouse about that cause he is really sexually active... and my mom needs to buy him more condoms... hey paul why dont u give him some of yours xD maybe he will be in luck and it will rip xD just kidding :) <3 everyone have a good day

the days of blurs

2012-01-24T11:17:00.000-08:00

Well so far for the past few weeks everything has been a blur idk why Its just everythings just passing by my eyes idk if its cause ive been so depressed or because ive just been in so much pain. :'( idk just hope everything goes back to normal it gets harder to breath when my back and chest hurt i have no idea what it is... i dont know if its an infection of some sort or just my anxiety... I just got off antibiotics so i really dont know just wish it would all go away and that i dont end up back in the hospital. I am trying so hard not to stress my self out but the pain just gets worse and worse each day and ive been haveing head aches and nausea off and on what can i do my mom has been telling me rest and i have been but its just hard when your in so much pain... Plus on top of that i havent been getting any sleep at all just been falling asleep when ever my body wants to and getting up early every morning the smorning i got up at 5:30 not even meaning to. :( Just help me.

awkward convos

2012-01-17T10:59:00.001-08:00

i have awkward convos with everyone cause i always make them awkward enough said :)

My dreams

2012-01-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

So my dream last night was scary... :'( i woke up crying... So i know yall wanna hear about the dream it all starts i was in the hospital and they had done a spinal tap said i had maningitis again so they put me in a room doing all these blood test trying to figure out whats causeing it then i went in to a coma and never ever came to and died right then and there... then i woke up crying :'( that was my dream.

sitting and chilling

2012-01-10T07:35:00.000-08:00

While waiting on my MRI in the hospital :( i hate this... why doesnt someone just kill me... i love you Paul but yes right now i really wanna be dead and i cant handle this shit any more.. I appreciate everything everyones done for me :) I hate being in the hospital that spot from the IV is bruiseing and if theres new lessions on my MRI i have to do plasma treatments if yall dont know what plasma treatments are its where they put a tube down into ur main artery or vein what ever u wanna call it and switch out ur blood and plasma, and then they remove the tubes afterwards normally some people have to keep them. luckily i dont. And so yeah and now im back in the hospital well yeah for now hopefully not for very long

Jerks

2012-01-09T08:51:00.000-08:00

yeah well i hate people that are jerks and i hate when i have to go back to the hospital and try to inform people and they dont care oh well the just have to get over it i also hate when my step sister airs her life story on the enternet and to her moms side of the family along with mine well yeah she wants to be in this family shes gunna stop telling everyone my shiot before she gets her ass kicked and no idc how much she cares about me she can care till she gets her ass kicked and yes i do have to go back to the hospital im very pissed about it my should have seen the symptoms but did she pay attention no... even my own geometry teacher seen the symptoms which is umm yeah extreamly sad.... my mom was there when i got sick my teacher wasnt my mom was the one to witness it my teacher wasnt but yet my teacher recgonized the symptoms test of life lets see how long i live not very long obviously :( someone email me i need to talk to someone jaynes.sandra@gmail.com

how is everyone

2012-01-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

how is everyone? just curiouse i wanna know cause ive been doing good i guess and yeah its hard to be a teen with MS and so yeah :) hope everyones doing good email me jaynes.sandra@gmail.com

music

2012-01-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

music is like a relaxing thing that u listen to to just clear ur mind and yeah i listen to it daily... no matter what! Music is my life and im starting a band so yeah music is in my life i write songs and i have been for a long time :) the one thing i love about music is how no matter what i do and how i feel it will be there to make me happy and ille always have a good song to put me in the mood weather its rock country rap or what idc music is music if i can sing to it then im good ive been singing since i was three so yeah yall should know that well time to go... bye

school and how feel about your teachers xD

2012-01-05T08:17:00.000-08:00

So some of my teachers i hate some of them i love but my world history teacher hes funny ... my geometry teacher shes sweet! My world geography teacher i dont really like that class but i kinda just keep to my self in that class :) My spanish teacher is a freaking bitch but i have to have those credits... and for the really fun teachers ive had my hole life would be my health teacher shes so sweet i love her to death and shes so sweet. Even tho i dont wanna be in school any more but i have to i just want top drop out i enjoy seeing my friends every day :) that im here. I really wish i was here full time which i will be soon thank God just hope it doesnt stress my body out to much :( i hope... So yeah stress is the only thing i really have to worry bout now and im good to go and i can live on and just have a good life :) i hope no more relapsing for me hehe lets do this... :)

positive thinking

2012-01-05T06:18:00.000-08:00

i was in my wheel chair for a whole night and day cause i stressed ut and lost feeling in my legs... but i thought positive stayed happy and just did the best i could while in it i used my legs as much as i could and i always had a smile on my face no matter what. Now its my turn to be happier cause im walking and i can really feel happy all i did was think positive and have positive thinking friends not including my sister... Yeah i tried my hardest not to let her bring me down with her negativity and did it work yes it did :) im so happy now. All i have to say is when your down dont let it it get you down just think positive. :D

Friends and Christmas

2011-12-30T09:35:00.000-08:00

My christmas was horrible my sister got a phne and i didnt thats all i wanted and umm yeah she basically got everything she wanted i have got literally nothing i wanted everyone was getting things they wanted except me... so yeah i spent all of christmas day crying cause it was my first christmas without my dad around and my step dad just sat in his room all day like a little pussy if he wants to be like a father to me then he needs to get a job and act like one thank u! but in stead he acts like a little freakin girl sits in his room on his lap top in fact thats probably what hes doing right now... Ive been going walking every day that im not sitting at the dentist any ways... yeah 9 cavitys that werent tht deep yay for me! :D cause i actually brush my teeth :D but im allergic to their anastedic for numbing so i brake put in a rash when they give it to me.so yeah my lips been swolling for a few days cause when my bf dumped me i gpt pissed off and umm got ina fight witha tree i guess u could say at least thats what my sister told me idr any of it so yeah.... and with the dentist working on my teeth yeah makes it swell even more any ways to the friends part of this hung out with my best friend paul hes really sweet and fun to be around and hes so mean to me some times hes also my ex bf from the yr 2010 and were still really close as if we were bf or gf but more like brother and sister and he cares about me ehes gunna rearrange my ex bfs face hehe <3 friends come in handy guys dont forget that!

my healing stone penguine

2011-12-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

this penguine has a healing stone in its stomach it was givin to me when i was in the hospital last december and i am rewally thank ful to the person who gave it to me cause ever since i got it and every time i get sick i hug it and i start feeling a little better each time and its just so speacial and now im fixen to give it to someone who needs it more than me... :)

Well i know life is stressing but u gotta learn to cope with it blah blah blah

2011-12-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

im tiered of that freaking advice everyone says that to me its so annoying i know i gotta learn to cope with it and the next person that says it im gunna go off on them like i did my step dad its a bunch of bs ... im done with bs im done with being told how to live my life if i want to be a certain way i will ughh im sorry guys im just stressed and exhausted remind me to never drink two monsters in one morning please :) thank u guys

That time of year....

2011-12-09T04:53:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year where im gunna be depressed majority of the time, about this time of the year last year i got sick and went in to the hospital. Then around Christmas eve i went into a coma and didnt come out till January 3 2011. Wish i could remember everything in between but i dont i just remember my dreams :( like dreams from when i was little. I remember one was when i was like really really little and my uncle on my dads side of the family sexually herassed me. yeah That was NOT a pretty sight when my dad found out about it. Any ways u=i just know when i came outta the coma i was tied to the bed and i couldnt get up and it was weird... haha they had me tied to the bed i kept pulling my tubs and stuff out xD kinky :D me and all my friends laughed at tht for the longest time. Also when i came to i could barely move i had no muscle left in my legs or arms or in any of my body just my mouth of course i could talk, i could barely see.. Yeah it was hard then i got discharged from the hospital January 10, 2011. i was so happy to go home with all my pillow pets that i got for Christmas :) Any ways now every time christmas comes around i think of that and how lucky i am to be here...

so i now i havent really posted much in awhile... but for a good reason...

2011-12-02T10:03:00.001-08:00

sooo... i have been sick... and it is really annoying but i refuse to miss school so ive been going idk what it is but i had a fever of 102 the other night ughh i hate being sick especially with MS wow... i hate this someone please just explain to my mom that i am done listening and i am tiered and i need my sleep dies she not see i need my sleep even my bf came to my house Thursday gave me a prestent and said i hope u get better soon and kissed me on the cheek and then he gave my mom and evil look haha it was funny xD any way sleep for me here i come...

3 nights of no sleep....

2011-11-30T09:46:00.000-08:00

OMG! Someone kill me, i have had no sleep so now im exhausted...Only cause my pharmacy is FUCKIN STUPID... called in my meds 3 days ago went to get them and guess what... No meds for Sandra. I'm mad cause one of those meds was my Ambien... Ughhh thats my sleeping med. I really need them cause if i have to go another night with no sleep i might just kill my self... literally i will die of exhaustion... is that even a word damn i cant think strieght....

My puppys

2011-11-29T11:03:00.003-08:00

Pain and symptoms...

2011-11-29T11:00:00.000-08:00

Well i have been having the MS hug for the past idk week or so and its hurts and its annnoying... my bf is mad at me... and idk if i can handle the pain any more...
Me: Why do we have to go through this?
Mom: cause thats what we were made for
Me: yeah right...
Mom: its true
Me: thought we were made for reproduction by God?
Mom: Well that to
Me: haha does that mean i can have sex xD

I got that off of something thought it was funny... kinda reminds me of me and my mom xD lol
Any ways i have yet to meet someone as young as me with MS weird... just hope this hug goes away soon cause i dont even wanna eat it hurts so bad... :) And got a new puppy his name is Kolt hes so cute :) There is pics of both of my puppys :)

... wow ...

2011-11-27T09:42:00.001-08:00

Cant even make it through one day so far ive already fell asleep like three times im so tiered... what is rong with me... my moms concerned about me being tiered all the time.. but i dont think she should be i think its just my meds... alot of them say may cause drowsiness or tierdness on the bottle but idk its what ever..

Sooo.. Ms

2011-11-27T07:40:00.000-08:00

MS is getting to me guys i just dont show it... all the time when it does get to me ille be surprised im not dead yet! Im so happy to have a guy who doesnt care what i have, who loves me and wants nothing more in the world than to spend every second of his life with me.. So if yall email me and i dont reply im spending time with my bf hes coming over today :) so happy that made my mood a hole lot better when my mom said that.. :) i love all my friends that i have they are great support and a great motivation glad i have people to motivate me :) now im not thinking 24/7 i wanna be dead this is a really great way for me to just let everything out and so far its working its kinda like my journal haha which is full so i got to get a new one :) except this people can read and comment on and let me know what they think. Thanks so much people i appreciate everything :)

i do...

2011-11-26T11:17:00.000-08:00

lol sounds like im saying yes to getting married... haha no.. any ways i do alot around the house... i clean i cook i baby sit... when will i ever get a break probably never! see i may threaten to kill myself doesnt mean i will just means man i wish i was dead doesnt mean i will be any time soon... i say things like that to get people off my back does it ever work hell yeah cause i will kick you ass eventually if you dont leave me alone either that then just run away from wi=hich ive already done a few times ha that was fun... im not bad i just have really bad family he could care less about me

I hate my fuckin life

2011-11-26T08:44:00.001-08:00

Its like everything i sya is never right even i love you nothings ever perfect for any one any more i spent a hole night cooking fuckin pies and the got up and spent the hole day on turkey and ham and dressing and eggs wtf else do u want me to do its like no one wants me here they want me to suffer in hell well you know what i might just go ahead and go do that wait i cant cause im already fuckin there! im freakin done with this shit my step dad wants to treat me like shit he doesnt care about me and i know for a fact my mom just wants to treat mne as her slave the only person that cares is my older brother and bf im fuckin through everyone always says youlle be okay oh quit worrying about it everythings okay you know what they dont know what i deal with at home they dont know half the shit i go through im fuckin done so why doesnt my family just fuck off... thank u

Wish

2011-11-25T20:24:00.000-08:00

Wish i could see my dad... wish i could sleep... wish i could stop dreaming of that one guy when i have a bf that i love so much... just wish it would all go back to the way it was.... just a few wishes but why wont they come true! Just a wish that will never come true... Just something u want but will never happen my life is hell... And i wish it wasnt just like i said another wish... Just another fuck wish that is never gunna come true none of my wishes have ever came true they will never come true and i know it... even if the simplest wish it will not come true cause everything just has to be a living hell for me.... fml....

Thanks Giving

2011-11-25T16:32:00.000-08:00

My thanks giving is going good so far :) lol spending alot of time with family! its awesome i had a few head aches here and there the past few days but not bad enough to make me take any thing for them its just life. So now my cousin is odd... lol sorry that was random... lol any ways yeah my little cousin is cute :) lol gotta love family cant wait for turkey :)

Ughhh

2011-11-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

I didnt go to bed till two only cause i was up all night helping my older brother for today and im up this early wow... some one shoot me im jk lol... oh todays gunna be a long day! just for the record i have family coming over might be fun might be horrible... Now i gotta finish what i started last night which is the laundry lol we have a lot of laundry only cause my mom wanted everything washed b4 it came into the house im on blankets and towels now my bf comes back sunday ille be so happy to see him monday this break has gone by really fast cause we were moving nearly the hole break... i still dont know what im gunna wear today! wow im turning in to such a girl i hate that.... grrrrr hehe meow... imma kitty :) im really really hiper for some reason idk why i just am? who gave me what in my sleep?

Spending time...

2011-11-24T22:09:00.000-08:00

Im spending time with my older brother... since i hardly ever spend time with him and hes really the one who protects me! We are making pumpkin and pecan pie lol! its fun... my older brother is so big :) i love him hes squishy... lmao but muscular hes a senior in high school so when he leaves ille be fending for my self and fighting with all the little boys that try to touch on me lol but hey what is family for my older brother is the only one who appreciates me for who i am and what i do he moved back in just to be with me when i was nearly dieing he sat by my side when i was in a coma in the hospital... he really cares about me even tho he can be an ass sometimes.. This is not something i say but hes my older brother and if he died i would die... :) love u david

The IV'SY

2011-11-24T10:41:00.001-08:00

yeah no they dont really hurt to me

The Holidays

2011-11-24T10:35:00.000-08:00

I hate thanks giving and christmas I love all the other holidays i can only explain why i hate these two holidays but i do...

Thanks Giving: because this is the one time of the year my dad and me actually bonded together and me and him got in a huge fight when i was 12. He was drunk... he yelled at me and body slammed me.. punched me and i just had a horrible Thanks Giving now every thanks giving i spend hating my dad cause he ruined one of what used to be my favorite holidays.

Christmas: Cause last year i spent Christmas nearly dead... i went in to the hospital December !7 and didnt get out till January 10 i dont remember anything except i was in a comma... my mom told me they did MRIs Spinal taps and many other things just to figure everything out and yet it took them for ever to figure it all out so i was just diagnosed about four or five maby six im not sure months ago with MS. So My christmas was ruined now i will always remember last year every Christmas.

A 14 year old should not have went through that but i did then i just turned 15 last August i spent my birthday without my dad by my side i have always been daddys little girl hes always the one who really showed he cared and put fourth he effort but now i just see him as a drunk son of a bitch sorry about my language but thats how i see him after everything i did for him and how hard i tried this is how i get repaid... I just feel no appreciation from him... Nothing after i spent my life showing him i loved him this is how i get repaid.... yeah thanks dad love ya... always will even though i dont show it!

Well hope everyone has a happy thanks giving yall get fat for me :) haha i get sick when i eat to much lol but hope yall have a good one :)

When you cant walk this is what you get!

2011-11-24T08:46:00.001-08:00

When you have no one to talk to.

2011-11-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

when you have MS and no one to talk to everything just runs through your head constantly. Then you get to the point where you dont know what to do with your self and you freak out... Your always depressed even when you look happy those thoughts are running through your head trying to get to you but your trying so hard not to let them and then they do. Then you sit in a corner in your room crying for hours on end wishing everything that was happening isnt, oh but it is. For some people they hold the thoughts in till one day they kill them selves ive seen it done. I have attempoted it i can admit that... im not happy to admit that, but i will admit it... i juast wanna say if your going through something that puts you in depression talk to someone please if you want come talk to me yall can always email me... or add me on facebook... i do not mind at all i enjoy talking to people...It is good to talk to people even if you dont know them they might need your help too. Sometimes talking to some random person is good for you they might be able to help you... Trust me talking helps alot...

here is my email jaynes.sandra@gmail.com : email me if you need to talk
here is my fb name : Sandra Bunneh Jaynes

Dont ask about the bunneh part in my name on fb i got that nick name b4 i got sick and just havent bothered to change it :) my real dad gave it to me and hes in jail so im just gunna keep it.

The Pain!!

2011-11-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

The pain is excruciatingit is so horrible it is like every day you jjust wish it would go away. when you get sick with this disease it is so much worse than a normal persons life. if you stress over the littlest thing you lose some since of your body or you have a relapse. its just so horrid. To have MS is like to always be in pain its like your brain is always swelling then when it finally goes down you get sick again and BOOM it swells back up again. Your always confused and frustrated, then on top of that you cant control your mood swings especially if your a female. your never really happy your always either really sad or just really mad or just in the middle never actually really happy. Then there are times you just break down and cry for no reason, and wish you werent going through this but you are and you have to deal with it. The truth is no matter what you have its stuck with you whether you have MS, diabetes, asthma, or something like that it is stuck with you. you should live your life at its fullest cause you never know when your life is going to end. Dont let things like this stop you from having a good life, cause your life could end within the next hour and you know its not your fault you have this its know ones you have this to make you stronger. I have always been told what dont kill you will only make you stronger so far im getting alot stronger. :) so im gunna live my life at its fullest!

Medicines!!

2011-11-22T08:04:00.000-08:00

I take many diffrent medicines... some for headaches, some for the bladder, and two for depression (anti- depressants). Well i cant name them all off the back of my hand but i know theres one thats an inectable named rebiff. Some of the others are Toprimate, Lexapro, Ambien, Trazodone, Enablex, Flomax, if there is any thing else i will comment and state them.

I just got over a stomach virus!

2011-11-21T18:48:00.000-08:00

I hate being sick :( when you sick and you have MS its three times worse then what other people have, and some people just dont understand it... I am feeling a little better now but i am still in my wheel chair i cant feel my legs at all... its weird when i walk its like im constantly gunna fall and i just feel like im getting weaker by the second every day i know im not cause im strong and always will be! God made me strong for his own reason but when you sit in your older brothers room at night and cry cause your just so upset and you dont know what to do? ughh its just horrible! Then your depression just gets worse and worse... no one will ever understand what i go through! No one knows the pain i deal with! There is nothing that can heel me now! That is what u sit there crying telling your self over and over then when you have MS its just a million times worse cause your dealing with something you know nothing about! So you study really hard on it then you dont understand it. Plus having all these problems with your body, all the medicines and its all so frustrating does any one not agree. Then almost every time you get sick its back to the hospital for an MRI especially with what some people have. Man while typing this i cried. While reading this you will probably cry or a tear will come to your eye atleast. For those who just read these to make fun of people you better think twice before that cause you could cause someone to commit suicide. I have seen it done... I have seen people attempt it... so dont say anything that will upset people that have a disease or have had family problems because you do not know what they are going through!

So when u have a step sister thats always in your buissness?

2011-11-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

I dont even know what to do with my self right now i cant even feel my legs its so awkward. My step sister acts like she runs the house and its getting annoying and when u have 2 little brothers that you have lived with a hole lot of your life that you love so much... your going to stick up for them right especially when the littlest one who is seven has Coup what ever the hell that is and asthma i know what that is just says you know you should say it like this? Then she just sits their and goes Gavin HUSH with a freaking attitude! I hate her little attitude that she gets with people and if she ever gets one with the little seven year old i dont care if im in the wheel chair or not i will run her fat butt over and.. if she doesnt like my attitude mabey she will learn to control hers. Yeah shes may have been mistreated when she was little but i honostly think shes making that up to get attention. Ughhh i just do not know what to do at this point in time she acts like she can control me and my life well when ur tuff enough to lay in a hospital bed in a coma for almost a month you try controlling my life when your tough enough to deal with getting made fun of at school come talk to me... when your freaking tough enough to go your 15th birthday with your real dad sitting in a jail cell and no money in the house and just recently being diagnosed yeah come freaking talk to me when you have been through hell come talk to me then mabey i will play nice... until then leave me alone with your atttitude and your oh im gunna be in the army if you dont suck it up you aint gunna get no where in life... Also if you dont stop lieing you wont get any where except in jail along with my dad. I hope any one who reads this sees what i deal with every day and why i am always so depressed its cause of people who cant control them selves, plus my mood swings and my depression so yeah hope all is well when your life hits hard like mine has. Cause God has blessed me with a lovely mom and brothers but a horrid step sister and father.

Morning Beauty after NO SEEP

2011-11-21T06:41:00.000-08:00

Okay so i went to bed at like ten and was asleep in like five minutes... Last night i was up and down all night and i take two diffrent sleeping medicines well neither of them wanted to help last night then on top of that my step sister gets home at 8:30 in the morning and my Step Dad is yelling through the house ughhh thanks alot so called dad! They just dont understan peopole with MS need to get sleep and me i havent really been getting sleep, but im fixen to change one of my sleeping medicines hopefully that will help a little. I am also really lonely especially this week i go to school and i have friends and everything but my Boy friend went to New York for thanks giving break and i dont really talk to any of my friends when im at home i dont know if its just me but am i the only person that always feels lonely? I go to school part time and im fixen to be going to counseling for my depression, which just keeps getting worse, i also have no really close friends that care about me honostly i think they stopped caring last year when i got sick and ended up in the hospital. :( But if i do have any friends i dont know who they are besides my boy friend we might be getting married... :) i love him! I know right now im kinda venting just to get things off my chest... sorry yall have to read this those who follow my page.

What is LIFE?

2011-11-20T20:20:00.001-08:00

L: Living breathing.
I: In terror of things like this.
V : Very hard and filled with what may be called life long situations.
E : Every step you to and every breath you breath is another step or breath closer to your death.

Yeah thats the meaning of life or part of it any ways i know its difficult to understand life, and you wonder why its so hard? Thats just the way it is and how it was supposed to be. Some people are supposed to live a different life than others, some people have severe illnesses like i have Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I may be different, but this is the road i was lead down. It took my Doctors six months to diagnose me i was diagnosed two months ago. Yeah well my hands are getting tiered from typeing and my eyes hurt cause im not wearing my glasses at the moment so im going to get off and get some sleep mabey.